I was about 5 or 6. I remember standing in my bathroom tub looking at my body and exploring its features. I have 3 older siblings. Two sisters and a brother. They were close to 20, 19 and 18 years old when I was born. I knew what their physicality looked like and knew in my mind what my body was going to look like when I became older. In my head something didn't match but being that young and not knowing the world just quite yet, I just let it slide. It wasn't until around 10 or 12 I finally understood that there were puzzle pieces missing. I came out to my one sister whom I knew was bisexual. And she explained to me that I was a lesbian. I took that and rolled with it since back than all there was to known knowledge was either lesbian, gay or bisexual. For years that's how I "labeled" myself. As a pretty boi lesbian. It wasn't until 19 years young, my first year of college, that I was introduced to the gender neutral and transgender side of this beautiful rainbow family. I was walking into class when one of my friends was dropped off by her partner. In my head I had so many questions but one stick out. "Why was he so pretty?" And not in the sense I was hitting on him but his look was so invigorating. So I asked her and that's when she smiled and told me he was transmale. She than explains to me that spectrum and tells me to get in contact with him. So I did. He took me to the the trans health conference in Philadelphia. I remember running outside in a panic and lighting a cigarette. Sitting there crying, he comes to me and says "I know exactly what's happening right now. This is where it all made sense to me as well." So at 19 I figured all those years of not making sense, I finally found I was trans. Sadly I didn't start hormones until 23 almost 24 bc I was not ready at the young age of a teenager. I started hormones, testosterone, and again "labeled" myself as transgender male. Changed my name and pronouns and was living but something in my head just still didn't match. For a few years I bottled up what I was truly feeling but was too afraid to face it. I felt I was too deep into being known as transmale that I didn't want to upset anyone close to me. Well I couldn't take not being my true form anymore so now at the young sappy age of 26 and a half (27 in December) I finally blossomed into me. No cares on who wants to judge or not. I have a friend who is non binary but on the trans spectrum as well. And after having such deep conversations with them for months, I decided you know what I myself am going to put my fears aside and just be me. I know deep down this is my true self. I know years ago I was taught about trans but there's more than just either full female or full male. And it finally for real makes sense. I came out as nonbinary/free spirited transgender. Or what I like to call myself, a fire faerie.
i honestly just explored different sides of the lgbtq+ community to research in a deeper sense all the thoughts in my head. I felt that I couldn't really describe what I was feeling. So what's better to do than to meet others who may be going through the same or close on the same scenarios as me. I also wasn't afraid to explore clothing. As weird as that sounds. I would go shopping to see what fits and what made me feel so confident.
Inside and outside me are very close to similar. Inside I'm always partying, "lol" as the kids say. I'm always putting together new outfits, or dreaming of adventures with my very wonderful family of friends. There's always music as well. But I'm also a princess. I dream of the "knight in shiny armor" sweeping me off my feet out of the tall bell tower. Or out of an 80s movie, where someone is holding a boom box outside my window trying their hardest to get my attention because all along they wanted me. And it's like that on the outside too. I dress myself accordingly, I dance to music consistently, and I'm a hippie gypsy faerie waiting for their prince or bad boy to come along.
My full name is Jase-Sayje Rain Quinn. I have various friends who call me Jase , others call me Sayje. My family calls me babes, I have a few family and friends who call me both. Or there are those who call me pineapple or pineberry because of my dreadlocks that sometimes are sitting on top of my head.
My pronouns are whatever you see me as. They/them/theirs, or he/him/his or she/her/hers. I'm a free spirit in this non binary but also transgender spectrum. I really am not picky.
it means the way you express yourself because that is how you see and feel you truly are. And no one should feel afraid or alone. There are so many gender identities out there. It's up to you to explore.
There have been several people. Too many to count and write every story. But I appreciate and love them all, even if we don't speak anymore. I want them all to know that they have helped me in ways they won't ever know. I don't know how to thank each and everyone of them enough. Some I have and everyday I thank and love them. My siblings are the biggest ones of all. They are you true fans along with their kids. Even my mom. Without them I wouldn't know this world today. Every single person whether relation or not has been through thick and thin with me. And I greatly love them with all of my being and more.
Talk to me about your struggles with identity and how you've grown to overcome them.
Basically just really exploring the world. Even though I was a late bloomer, I really set out into every nook and cranny I could find. I think I explained most of it already but it's really just been my surroundings. Including people, clothing, different events etc. it's extremely nerve wrecking but don't be afraid! You'll find the paths you'll really want to be on. The more positivity you surround yourself with and be apart of the more light will come into play.